"Whatcha gon do with that dessert?"

According to the Royal Children’s Hospital’s guidelines on pain management in infants, small amounts of sweet solutions may be used to reduce pain and distress during minor procedures in infants (1). This is because the taste is pleasant on the tongue.

I’m going to apply this, not based on any evidence based research, to us, now, today, on RUOK day. Since we were all babies once, I’m sure that there’s a baby in all of us that could use some sweetness to numb the pain.

The theme this year will be, "Whatcha gon do with that dessert?” (Recommendations at the end!)

Suicide has the onion effect. 

In the wake of RUOK day more suicides have been occurring around me than any other time of year. A friend of a friend, a mother or father of a friend, a friend. When a person is affected, all the layers of social contacts around them are shaken too.

Suicide creates confusion. 

Like most unexpected death you wonder but by far the most common question related to suicide is “how could no one have known they were struggling?” The lethality of suicide depends on it’s silence. With suicide, unlike sudden cardiac arrest, you know that there was a slippery slope they were trying really hard to go against before getting to this point. Whether anyone else was aware of it or not, it was most likely a long time coming. 

It’s a million stars that have a million questions thrown at them asking, why me? It’s a million tissues with a million tears crying, when will this end? It’s a dark corner and a silent whisper, saying “I can’t take any more.”

Confusion leads to guilt.

Guilt is a cruel cruel friend. He speaks all sorts of lies and pain into your life. He makes you live in "what abouts" from the past and "what ifs" from the future. He flames fires of a twisted imagination. No one can rid you of this guilt. You either choose to accept that it was not your fault. There is nothing you could’ve done. Or you don’t. 

Let me tell you friend, I don’t know why and I don’t know what you could’ve done. Their memory and their life is so precious to you, you want to hold them one more time and hear their laugh just one.more.time. Let yourself grieve them. Remember them and know that no matter what choice they made it doesn’t change who they were and who they still are to you. Let the love of them rest on your heart, don’t try to let go too soon- it’s too painful, it will hurt and bleed too much because love is definitely not meant to be torn away. Even though I’m sure that’s what it feels like. Even though they’re gone, their memory makes them very much alive to you. For a loved one that you’ve lost, rest in the pain and know that there is someone bigger than you who is looking out for them even now and looking over you always. Like any wound the loss of them will hurt and sting for a long time but know that wounds do heal. Their scars will shape you, open up your eyes to the world or close your heart but remember-

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” - C.S.Lewis

It hurts but we do it anyway because we're told it's worth it and deep down we know this to be true. Love them if they’re in heaven, love the memory of them even when they’re not here because your love only breeds more love. 

“Love is never wasted, for its value does not rest upon reciprocity.” - C.S. Lewis

Let your heart be filled with it and let your life overflow with it. If they are still with you love them so hard that all the darkness disappears. 

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.” - Martin Luther King Jr

How do we do this? 

Asking someone RUOK is easy enough. The initiative highlights how simple and effective four letters can be. 

So let’s think of more simple and effective ways to lend a helping hand. In previous years I’ve written about some other things that I thought would help heal. This includes-

1) A little hug later...

2) Laughter is the best medicine. lol wat? 

Today I’ll focus on desert. More specifically, CHOCOLATE!

"Whatcha gon do with that dessert?"

This year I’ve found that there is little that chocolate doesn’t sweeten. Including your blood, I know, I’m not here to promote diabetes. If you know someone is struggling, or if you’re struggling and its not too hard to ask for help, ask them out for chocolate!

For those that are struggling I know that when you’re feeling down and out you’re much too vulnerable to put your hand up and say excuse me can you please come get chocolate with me? I know. So I hope for you, I pray for you that you have friends that can see your face fall and know right away when something is wrong. But I am not naive enough to think that all may be in this position.  

So I challenge you, you with the hurt and the pain and the thoughts of taking your own life, not knowing whether anyone would care and convinced that everyone would be better off without you, AND you without these thoughts too, with the friends around with sad eyes and the ones you know have heavy hearts, reach out and ask them- anyone, whether they want to have some chocolate with you.

"All you have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to you." - Gandalf.

You can talk. You don’t have to. You can just stay silent, resting in the assurance that there are those with bright eyes and smiles that are there for you to lean on when you’re weak, shoulders to cry on when yours fall and eyes that love you when you can see nothing to love. Chocolate and company can cure all sorts of things.

Some chocolate deserts that I personally live for (in no particular order, just as I remember them):

San churros chocolate dip with churros (just tried real ruby chocolate, its actually real, and it feels so exciting to eat pink chocolate and know its real!).

Hot chocolate (from anywhere, anytime, any day but especially at Max Brenner with a friend, you know who you are)

Peanut MnM's

Rock melon flavoured chocolate
(omg one of my favourites for sure,
was a japanese chocolate that a friend kindly gifted, thank you God).

White chocolate brownies

Chocolate chip cookies (especially those thic ones from woollies,
especially after microwaving them and having it with some milk!
and also the ones my sister makes at home nom nom). 

Home made chocolate brownies (you know who you are)

So next time you’re craving desert, or in the next moment you can spare, remember, “whatcha gon do with that desert?"

- evieroo

NB: For anyone with diabetes who struggles with these things I did not mean to offend with this post. 

1. https://www.rch.org.au/rchcpg/hospital_clinical_guideline_index/Sucrose_oral_for_procedural_pain_management_in_infants/